amen part II
Everything you wrote on the blog is very true. This feeling of emptiness and void is something that everyone experiences, and whether he/ she shows it just depends on that particular individual. This “void” can hit you at random times – as you are walking back to your car from a library late at night, or in the midst of a big group of people at a party. The latter is more of a twilight zone feeling. I think sometimes we get so caught up in the cycle of trying to “accomplish more” that we lead ourselves to believe that this feeling of void will be gone once we get that promotion, lose that extra five pounds, get a boy friend, pass the bar, etc. And c’mon. it’s not like we are the rulers of the universe, but we really don’t have anything to complain about – on ALL accounts. Most of all, we are healthy. As we are getting a bit “older” I realize how important our health is. I mean I still understand why (even up until like 2 years ago) we thought that getting really sick was one way to lose weight (hahah), I certainly do NOT take our health for granted now. Esther, now that you have John as well, I know how concerned you are for his well being as well. Having people you love and care for is a blessing. But it also means you have more worries. Now I understand why mothers would get mad at their kids for getting sick. I really don’t think it’s enough that we just go to church on Sundays nowadays. I feel hypocritical for preaching like this, as Ive only been in a small group for about 2 months now – but I definitely feel its importance. I mean – to be completely honest, youre clumped in an eclectic group of people you normally wouldn’t hang with, but youre all connected under one bond – the Lord. As corny as it sounds, we have to remind ourselves on a daily basis how happy we truly are. We have great friends who truly know us/ love us; family; successful careers; attractive (ok this sounds really conceited…)…And yet we feel this void. Ice cream, losing the 10 pounds, a new outfit, will definitely make the void smaller – but it doesn’t stay small/ nor disappear forever. You guys – take a moment and think back to when you guys were the happiest. I was definitely the happiest my sophomore year of college – no special reason. This was when I was the most involved with church; talked to you (esther and tina) on a daily/ nightly basis; exercised every single day; was not planning for the future and thinking about making money, etc…. everything was so much more simple! Esther – I mean timing is right. If you were to have a baby right now, it would definitely make sense. But there is no such thing as perfect timing – for anything. And if you and john want a baby now – than go for it. You are only going to get busier – not less. I guarantee you that. Don’t stress out so much on the house you need, the yard john needs to have, the savings… We always tend to compare ourselves to the haves and have nots. But seriously, esther – you do have it good. Having a baby is definitely a blessing, and I know you will be the best mother in the world. But it is not the sole answer to this “feeling” you and john both discussed about. You know what I mean? But the fact that you and john could have such a conversation is great…. Seriously. Anyways. I understand and agree. When I get back, we need to have a slumber party and just chill….miss you.
